Fifteen Minutes to Flawless Breakup

Fifteen Minutes to Flawless Breakup

Fifteen Minutes to Flawless Breakup

Fifteen Minutes to Flawless Breakup

This is probably the most difficult blog post I’ll ever write to you. I hope it is, because this past month has been a dark corner of reality I I don’t want to go back to.

You’ve been asking more and more about wedding planning. 2018 was to be an exciting year as Ridge and I prepared to say ‘I do’ and promise the rest of our lives to each other September 9th. It was a crazy, stressful and exciting time.

But then things came to a screeching halt. Ridge and I had hit 3 months from our date and you could say we were entering the ‘intense’ phase in the wedding planning process- meeting with vendors, sending invitations, coordinating a million details with the venue. Towards the end of one of these ‘wedding intensive’ weeks Ridge and I got into an argument. It wasn’t a significant one or I didn’t think it was (it had to with when to switch his plates and insurance over to North Carolina), but then he told me he wanted a break. It took me completely by surprise; it would have been hard to hear under any circumstances but given where we were with wedding planning I was a mixture of upset and angry. The smaller argument turned into a bigger one, Ridge told me he was leaving and packed up. I called and asked  if we could work it out, if we could see someone to work through things, but his mind was made.

Fifteen Minutes to Flawless Breakup

As I started to tell close friends and family, their big question was why? Why did he leave so suddenly? I thought you guys were great??

It’s hard for me to say for sure, but I think it was a combination of a few things. As he was packing he told me, ‘maybe I have cold feet about the wedding’. During the argument he also told me that he wanted a ‘normal life.’ I asked him what about our life wasn’t normal, but he couldn’t really articulate it. Maybe because I travel for work? Because I have a blog?

Aside from his time in the military and living in Hawaii where we met, he’s mostly lived in a small South Carolina town. We grew up in two very different worlds and when Ridge, Juliana and I lived together in Gaffney we were fully immersed in his. But living in Charlotte since January was my world. And the wedding planning was definitely mine. I think he realized late into everything he wanted to remain in the life and in situations where he felt comfortable- a small town and a simple life. I was pulling him away from that. Not intentionally, but because of who I was and because of the circumstances. We had both agreed a long time ago that moving to Charlotte made sense because of the school system and employment opportunities. But I think talking about it and living it were two different things for Ridge. So our upcoming wedding was a commitment to more than just me- it was a commitment to a modified way of life he wasn’t comfortable with. So he got out and went back to where he had always felt comfortable.

Fifteen Minutes to Flawless Breakup

We had always been two different people, but my philosphy was  that if we loved each other and were faithfully committed, we could work through any challenges that came up. As a child, I saw my parents go through difficult times and get through it. But Ridge’s parents divorced when he was little and I think personal experience can have an impact on how a relationship is viewed.

Breakups suck. But this one is so much worse because of the impact it has on Juliana. I loved Ridge for who he was and I loved him more because he is Juliana’s dad. When he left, he left her too. His departure has been difficult for her to process. I am glad he has his weekends so Juliana has time with her dad but I still haven’t gotten used to it. And I hate she’ll grow up splitting the time, the holidays, and the memories.

I waited to write this post because I wanted to start to process everything before I shared with you. I am doing my best to stay strong for Juliana, but it’s painful because I lost my best friend and the person in the world I was closest to. The one I trusted with everything. I feel so betrayed. I am hurt. And I’m angry.

Fifteen Minutes to Flawless Breakup

There is one thing it hasn’t affected though. The other day I thought back to the last breakup I went through before I met Ridge in 2011. That one impacted my confidence and even affected my sense of worth for a period of time after.  I remember thinking, maybe there’s something wrong with me, when in reality it just wasn’t the right guy and the right relationship. As hard as this last month has been, it hasn’t caused me to question myself or my value. It made me realize I am at a point in my life where I’m much more firmly grounded in myself. I know who I am and what I am worth.

Fifteen Minutes to Flawless BreakupPhotos c/o Deeana Kourtney Photography; dress c/o Chicwish

It’s hard to see a silver lining in the situation but I do think the most challenging seasons in our lives are the ones where we grow the most personally. Being tested only makes us stronger- and the bigger the test, the stronger we become.

If you’re reading this and have gone through a break up, my heart goes out to you and I am here for you. An old boss once told me it’s normal to mourn a breakup because it’s the death of something- it’s the death of a relationship. I know that sounds dark, but I’ve thought back to that and think it’s true. You have to give yourself that time and that grace. And if people ask if you’re all right, it’s OK to say, “I’m not now but I will be.” It’s important to take time process something like this.

One thing I didn’t anticipate when I started blogging is how hard it can be to keep a cheerful voice when you’re going through a challenging personal time in your life. We often read blogs to be inspired, so sadnes and loss can be difficult to figure out how to share. But one of the things I’ve found is that it’s best to write from the heart, so thank you for letting me do that tonight. You taking the time to read this means so much to me.

Love always,

Terra

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29 Comments

  1. July 24, 2018 / 8:07 pm

    Oh my gosh, Terra. Thank you for bravely sharing your story. My heart breaks for you and I will keep you in my prayers. You are so strong and I know wonderful things are coming your way.
    Lots of love,
    Kellie

    • Terra
      Author
      July 26, 2018 / 1:25 pm

      Thank you Kellie so much. <3

  2. July 24, 2018 / 8:38 pm

    Oh Terra. I’m so sorry. Sending you and your sweet daughter strength during this hard time! It will take time, but things will get easier, xo.

    • Terra
      Author
      July 26, 2018 / 1:24 pm

      Thank you so much Kelsey. It means a lot! xx

    • Terra
      Author
      July 26, 2018 / 1:23 pm

      You’re right girl. It never rains that long before the sun comes out..at least I keep telling myself that! Thank you so much for your sweet message. xx Terra

  3. July 24, 2018 / 10:09 pm

    Oh Gosh girl I’m so sorry to read this! I was really rooting for you guys. My husband and I had our kids before marriage and went through several breakups before getting married….several of which were very long and it was very difficult to try to be positive when I was so hurt but I’m praying for you and whatever the outcome …. the one good thing about blogging is all the friends that u make that are there for you in hard times 🙂

    • Terra
      Author
      July 26, 2018 / 1:23 pm

      Thank you Erica. You are so right. I feel really blessed to have your support and the support of this community. Love and hugs xx Terra

  4. July 24, 2018 / 10:10 pm

    Sending you so much love. I’m so proud of you for your amount of strength and confidence! You will get through this and be stronger than ever!

    • Terra
      Author
      July 26, 2018 / 1:21 pm

      Alexis, thank you so much girl. It means more than you know! <3

  5. July 24, 2018 / 11:03 pm

    Terra I’m sorry to hear you go through this. You’re an amazing person and it’s Ridge’s loss. Hang in there girlfriend! This just means there’s someone who’s a better fit for you out there.

    • Terra
      Author
      July 26, 2018 / 1:21 pm

      Thank you Ali! I am glad we had the chance to talk about it and thank you so much for listening. <3

  6. Mark Chamberlain
    July 25, 2018 / 12:55 am

    I decided to read your story, I’m very sad that this has happened but also for your little girl.
    We have been married for 41 years, and every day is just like the first day we met, and I cannot fathom being with out my wife.
    I hope this happens for you and Juliana.
    I don’t buy the small town crap at all.
    Best wishes for a happy future.
    A guy.

    • Terra
      Author
      July 26, 2018 / 1:20 pm

      Thank you so much Mark. I hope it does down the road too. Best,
      Terra

  7. Lauren
    July 25, 2018 / 3:15 am

    Terra,
    I am so very sorry sweet friend. I admire your strength and courage to write this. I will be praying for you and J

    • Terra
      Author
      July 26, 2018 / 1:19 pm

      Thank you Lauren so much. <3

  8. July 25, 2018 / 3:33 am

    Terra, my heart breaks for you. Breakups are never easy, and I can’t imagine having to pull Juliana along with that. You are a beautiful, strong, successful woman, and I’m proud of you for recognizing that this doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. I went through a tough relationship in college where I lost all of my confidence and self-worth and have since learned that it is NOT because you aren’t worth it. Sending so much love your way and let me know if there is any way I can support you.

    Xx, Kelsey

    • Terra
      Author
      July 26, 2018 / 1:19 pm

      Kelsey, that means so much, thank you from the bottom of my heart. <3

  9. Cathrine
    July 26, 2018 / 5:48 pm

    You are just the epitome of strength for your little girl and bravery for this post. Time heals all wounds. I am confident there will be a happy ending for you…whatever that may be. Xo

    • Terra
      Author
      July 27, 2018 / 5:24 pm

      Thank you Cathrine so much! <3

  10. JJ
    July 27, 2018 / 9:44 pm

    Terra,
    My heart goes out to you. You are a strong and beautiful woman. You have your wonderful little girl by your side to help you through this difficult time. Whatever will be will be. Think of this as a time of personal growth. You will make it through and will be smiling soon again.
    <3

  11. July 28, 2018 / 2:20 pm

    I want to say what everyone has to be thinking…what a dick. Really three months before your wedding? He couldn’t of brainstormed the seriousness of marrying of you and what that entailed prior to right before the big day. You are a badass for writing this and I wish for you to find solice in self love, and to allow this pain to aid in your personal growth. If being ON all the time is who you are find someone who WANTS to be on with you or at least cheering you on along the way. I can see from your insta you seem to have a very go go go life which isn’t for everyone. I am so terribly sorry for your loss and wish you the best in co-parenting. Rock on and know this too shall pass😊

  12. Verna Brock
    July 29, 2018 / 2:55 pm

    I have no doubt that you and Juliana will come through this with grace (and style!). I think Ridge will also survive, and in the long run ya’ll will be wonderful parents to Juliana whether or not you’re man and wife. I will always have you in my prayers. God has the best way of working everything out, for His glory and our good.

  13. Kerri
    July 29, 2018 / 7:42 pm

    Hi Terra. I wish I was there to sit and talk with you and give you the biggest hug. I’m so sorry for you and J that he made such a drastic choice. Thank God you’re the brave woman you are. It is my prayer that your future is very, very bright! Take care!!

  14. Katie
    July 29, 2018 / 9:54 pm

    Dear Terra, Thank you for sharing your journey on love and loss. I am so sorry that you and Juliana are and have been experiencing this type of pain. Some men (and women) just don’t realize the gems that they have in front of them. Keep your chin up. You are a successful, strong, and introspective woman whom has already shown growth & tenacity to “rise up” with challenge. Sending you hugs. <3

  15. August 3, 2018 / 5:48 pm

    I am so sorry <3 I went through something similar a few years ago. My heart hurts for you. You and Juliana will get through this!

    • Terra
      Author
      August 7, 2018 / 1:55 pm

      Thank you Felisha <3

  16. Megan
    August 11, 2018 / 12:30 am

    Hi Terra I’m new to your blog (just followed a Pinterest link on fall fashion!) but I’m so glad I stumbled on this post. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to bare your soul like this but I’m sure it will be helpful to many people, as it was to me. I’ve recently gone through something similar and your story truly resonated with me. It’s funny how sometimes the betrayal just comes out of the blue like that isn’t it? (And turns the world upside down!). My thoughts and prayers will be with you! Every day will get a little easier. In the meantime don’t worry about putting on a brave face, it’s ok to not be ok. And thanks for writing such a painfully honest post, I personally enjoy bloggers who are “real” and will definitely be back!

    • Terra
      Author
      August 12, 2018 / 1:11 pm

      Hi Megan, thank you so much from taking the time to read my post and for taking the time to write such a thoughtful and kind response. You made my week gf. <3 I am so sorry to hear you have gone through something similar recently too and I hope things start to look up soon. Reach out anytime if you want to chat! Also, thank you for being a part of the Fifteen Minutes to Flawless community, so glad to have you here.

      XX,
      Terra