I’ve been struggling.
Last night a blogger started following me. I knew who she was and always thought she was gorgeous (she is) so I clicked on her Instagram page and saw she was sharing her botox and lip injections on Stories. That’s not unusual in the blogging community, but still I asked myself Why?? She’s a BABE in her TWENTIES. But then it hit me- maybe she’s going through the same thing I am but in a different sort of way.
When I started I viewed blogging as this awesome bridge between the editorialized fashion industry and us real-life girls. I saw it as a way to inspire you through sharing beautiful achievable ideas to apply to your everyday life. A few months in though, I realized what I THOUGHT the blogging world was about is SO FAR from what it actually is. Somehow every blogger I loved was a size 0 (maybe 2), carried a designer bag, always dressed in the latest trends and looked impeccable wherever she was, whatever she was doing. Outfit matched location, lighting was perfect…and her pose? Yeah that was perfect too.
Every picture. Every. Single. Day.
And without even realizing it I thought I had to be like that to make it. So I pushed myself. I learned contouring like my face depended on it, grew out my hair, hit the false lash aisle and found a killer self-tanner. Ridge and I nailed the poses, the lighting, composition, angles, editing. And I bought the designer bags and shopped the latest trends. I worked hard to keep my voice real and relateable to you and share ideas you could use, but I felt guilty because my pics never truly felt like the real Terra.
But we grew. We grew and grew and suddenly I was surrounded by this amazing community of you. That’s always been the best part but I felt a trapped because my carefully curated, edited images had something to do with getting me there.
And you know what’s worse? I still felt I wasn’t enough- beautiful enough, perfect enough. As my blogger friends went on to get hair extensions and talk about microblading, body sculpting, botox and lip injections I felt like I was falling behind.
The pressure was intense so I tried a few things. I highlighted my hair, wore lashes and even experimented with lash extensions. The color damaged my hair and I had to get inches off from dead ends. And my lash extensions? Yeah, half of them fell out the first night I slept on them with an eye mask. But I never told you about these disasters because of the pressure to ‘have it together’.
So what’s wrong with the hair extensions, lip injections, microblading, body sculpting, or botox? Nothing. But for me personally I’m drawing a line. I won’t be doing it because I know I’m beautiful in God’s eyes, in Ridge’s eyes, and yes- in your eyes, my beauties. And because I’m putting my foot down to this unhealthy pressure.
I’m making you a pact with you. I’m no longer going to change things about myself from pressure to look a certain way. And I’m not going to worry about my makeup or blog photos but focus on the value they’re there to bring you to begin with.
I spent some time looking at the blog posts you guys read most and noticed they’re always the ones where I’m keep things REAL. You love when I share my struggles, my relationship, my hopes and dreams for Juliana- and when it comes to fashion and beauty, you love the practical posts with beauty hacks or how to find that perfect pair of jeans.
So yeah, blog posts are going to change a bit and it’s a little scary because the big brand collaborations are starting to come in. It’s easy to live in a comfort zone of ruffled tops and gingham dresses but you guys have told me you want more. And you come first.
Besides leveling up for you, my hope is to get back the peace and joy I had when I started- before this rancid pursuit of perfection sucked it all out. I still plan to create something beautiful- outfits, images, makeup looks- but I’m no longer focusing on ‘perfect’ but the reason for the picture in the first place.
If you made it all the way down…thanks for sticking with me sister. I’m so excited to have you as we make FMF the fun, sassy, badassy REAL, HELPFUL blog it was always meant to be.